Question:
My husband works very long hours. Most of the time, not always, he leaves early in the morning before our baby gets up, and then he comes home late at night after she is asleep. I am starting to worry that his absence will make a difference in her development. Is there anything special I should do to make up for this imbalance? He doesn’t like the situation any more than I do, but right now there seems to be nothing that we can do about it.
Answer:
You are actually already doing the exact right thing–being aware of the situation. Life is a big wide open book, jam-packed with responsibilities of all kinds. However, the good part is that it is also full of many different options and possibilities. Mostly there are so many choices and decisions to make that it is hard to know exactly what to do about almost anything–meals, toys, activities, art, music, play, etc.
Therefore, keep doing what you’re doing. Love and care are what your baby needs the most. How you actually carry them out is secondary. As long as you both know that his presence is important, you will work that out. Life is and always will be changing, a work in progress. There is no rush. You two have a lifetime to handle this challenge and to make the most of the time you have to share with your baby.
November! The Month of Giving Thanks
In keeping with the question just asked, be as thankful as possible everyday all day for what you and your family are able to do together. At the same time continue looking for new and different ways.
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Talking about dad and keeping dad in your focus through the day will also help your baby pick up on dad’s presence and love.
You are being an amazing mom by a) being aware of it b) becoming concerned and c) seeking answers.
My tip would be twofold:
#1 Let’s get creative… For example, can baby Skype with daddy on his lunch break?
#2 It’s not quantity is quality…Making sure when daddy does have time to spend with the baby that it is special quality time, phones are off and all attention is on baby.
**Helpful bonding technique for maximum quality time with babies and young children= remember the acronym DRIP- Describe, Reflect, Imitate and Praise. This is from Parent Child Interaction Therapy, more information at http://www.pcit.org.
Rosalind, I really like that idea. When you talk about someone else in a positive way, others pick up on the power of the message. That is very nice.
Gisell, thank you for sharing your insight. Creativity is a wonderful way to go.
Using Skype or FaceTime during the day is amazingly easy and a great way to stay in touch. Wonderful idea!
Quality time (giving as much full attention as possible) is right on target. There are so many interruptions that are a regular part of the day that setting aside time for Dad that includes undivided attention makes perfect sense.
Acronyms are a big success on this site. DRIP is definitely a new one and will be very much appreciated by many.