Parenting Technique 40 – Meet your child’s needs in a concrete way, but keep building your relationship with love.
There is a gradual progression in how children process information that keeps becoming more abstract throughout life. While your baby seems not to aware of the relationship-building that is going on, he or she is taking it all in. Over time, as your baby grows, he or she turns into a very active participant in your relationship, and everything that seemed like it was of no importance at all comes to life between the two of you.
Constructive Parenting… Every ounce of love you give to your child in the beginning and forever is appreciated. It is never too late or too early to start loving your child with all your heart. There is no one way to do it, but there is every way that is effective.
I love this post. I was downstairs about 30 minutes ago doing the laundry. I put the baby (4 months) in her little seat and she began to fuss. She was ready for her nap and she loves to be snuggled in my arms to fall asleep. Then I can place her in her bed. Anyway, I began to think about how all of these little moments grow and mesh together and even though she won’t remember today, her brain will register, “I’m loved. I’m safe. I’m cared for. I can trust my world because my needs are met.”
I have three more children : ages 3, 5 and 13. My 5 year old watches me with the baby now and asks, “Mommy? Did you snuggle me like that when I was little? Did you kiss me that much, too?” I reply, “Of course I did!” She then hugs me and says, “I love you mom.” She often asks me about her own baby-hood months wanting to know if I took her for walks, fed her when she cried and so on. I can always reply, “Of course!” And her face lights up and she knows… she was, is and always will be loved.
Your statement about “everything that seemed like it was of no importance at all comes to life between the two of you” also hits home for me with my 13 year old. Things I taught him LONG ago that seemed to be ignored are catching up now. “Mom – remember when you taught me to ____________?” He remembers! It’s amazing to see this happening… it sure does all catch up and CLICK, doesn’t it? That gives me hope that my lessons and teachings of life have been worthwhile.
Thanks for the fun post!
Hi Shara,
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience and making this post come even more alive. There is so much to it. Without knowing about this slow, steady, and extremely important relationship-building process, here are a few things that could go wrong:
* A parent could rely too much on a caregiver who cannot give as much love as a parent.
* A parent could try to multi-task during child care at times when undivided loving attention is very much needed.
* A parent could let a child remain unhappy at times when all that is needed are simple hugs, kisses, and “I love yous.”