October! The Month of Positive Energy


As you know, October represents the beginning of what we all call the “holiday season.” I call it “holiday craziness.” So much gets built up for kids, and we all experience so many high expectations followed by all kinds of disappointments. What do you suggest to do at home to help counteract all this upcoming holiday frenzy?


If I had to pick one thing, it would be to make sure that you hug, hold, and say, “I love you” to your child everyday. Everything you do and say with your child is important. While all experiences throughout life continue to shape one’s future, those that are repeated and that happen often have the biggest impact of all. You can never go wrong with loving. The younger your child the more major the effect will be.

Yes, all your decorations and whatever traditions you provide for your family are important, but do not underestimate the power of a simple hug and holding your child. While some events might not work out, this will be your way of showing your child everyday that he or she can always count on you.

October! The Month of Positive Energy

Start the ball rolling in your house with one magic word–please. Make it your word of the month. Write it in large letters on a big index card and place it in a prominent spot in your home. Model this word frequently and then be sure to notice any time any member of your family uses it. Positive energy begets positive energy.

Heads-up! Plan on switching to thank you for November. That only makes sense!

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  1. Helping Children Through the Holidays After Your Divorce

    When Mom and Dad divorce their children are faced with many life changes. As loving and concerned parents we try to minimize the pain and reduce the chaos brought about by new routines and schedules. We also try to focus on making this new chapter in life as positive and supportive as possible for everyone in the family.

    One of the toughest transitions for children is often coping with the first holiday season. Our challenge as parents is to create new traditions and activities that can replace the memories of family holidays in the past. Here are some suggestions on how to help your children through the holiday season in the best possible spirits.

    • Show compassion:

    Talk to your children about the holidays. Listen, rather than lecture, and let them vent about their feelings, regrets and frustrations. Acknowledge what they are expressing to you and be understanding. Be aware that some children will hold their feelings in so as not to protect you. Reassure them that it’s okay to talk about their sadness as well as apprehension about what they will experience this year.

    Remind your children that what they are feeling is natural and normal. Be there for them with reassurance and hugs. Also let them know that some activities will still be part of their holiday celebrations so they understand that much of life continues in the same way, despite divorce.

    • Model Responsible Behavior With Your Ex:

    Studies show that children whose divorced parents get along with one another adapt much easier to the divorce. So talk to your ex about giving your children a happy holiday season in every possible way. If you can both spend some family time together with the children, without discord, they will appreciate your efforts. If you can’t, at least strive to make the drop-off experience peaceful and harmonious. Never bad-mouth your ex to the children, make them your messenger or have them spy for you at their other parent’s home. Model your best, most respectful and mature interactions with your ex in front of your children so they can enjoy their childhood, especially at this time of year.

    • Start Creating Wonderful New Memories:

    This year will lay the foundation for many holidays to come. So think about new ways to celebrate, new places to visit, new foods to prepare. By creating a fresh set of traditions you will give your children something to look forward to. By replacing old memories with the new, you can make the holidays special again for them. And if they do the same in their other parent’s home, they can enjoy an even fuller experience of celebrating the holidays.
    By acknowledging your children’s feelings with compassion while offering them new options for keeping the holidays special, you are giving your children an important gift: the love and support they need to overcome the challenges of being a child of divorce.

    * * *

    Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For Rosalind’s free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right, plus Rosalind’s free ezine and other resources for parents, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.

  2. I love this combination–understanding your child’s sadness over the past and then moving on to build a new bright future. Thank you Rosalind for taking the time to share with us such insightful and valuable information.

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