There is a difference!
Question:
I love my husband and always support him, but now I am a little stuck. Whenever he gets home at the end of the day, he keeps yelling at our kids. “Clean up your room. Stop making a mess. Put those papers down.” It goes on and on. It wouldn’t be so bad if he would intermix it with some loving comments, but he doesn’t. Do you have any ideas for what I can do?
Answer:
Thank you very much for your wonderful question about two different parenting styles. Everyone has to deal with this issue in one way or another. What is wonderful to know is that this difference is beneficial. Parenting was meant to be a two-part process with the female part being more nurturing and the male one being more back-to-basics. While there is no one way to make this division, it is helpful to know that children like it, expect it, and even appreciate it.
Given that as background, you two need to work together and present a united front. The best way to do that is to follow principles of effective parenting and apply them in your own ways. In a nutshell, you both want to be fair, firm, and positive… and keep on teaching. You are your child’s first and most important teachers.
And that is what Wednesday Evening Wine is all about. Here are three basics:
* Set up for success.
* Make expectations clear.
* Use praise and encouragement appropriately.
July! The Month of Freedom
Look back at some of the beginning parenting techniques in this section and learn more about each of these. Keep looking through this section for all kinds of advice that is specifically designed to guide you. By knowing what you are doing, you will both be pro-active and not reactive. If you are calm and in control, you are leading; and that is very effective. If you are yelling, you are doing it wrong. All of these tips will free you up to be yourselves and work together at the same time.
Here are are a few for starters:
Make Your Expectations Clear: Be Firm!
Posted by sally on Wednesday, September 28th 2011
Make Your Expectations Clear: Be Fair!
Posted by sally on Wednesday, September 21st 2011
Set up for Success with Small Steps!
Posted by sally on Wednesday, September 14th 2011
Guest Specialist Marilyn Perlyn, who can be reached at mperlyn@me.com, added…
Sally,
You always know how to provide the answer that compliments each parenting style while looking for a way to blend them!!!
Great job:)
A Few More Tips…
Set up for Success with Choices!
Posted by sally on Wednesday, August 31st 2011
Set up for Success… By Being Prepared!
Posted by sally on Wednesday, August 24th 2011
Another one of our experts Louise Sattler, who you can contact at lmsattler17@verizon.net, gives this idea…
Parenting is often based on past experience. Having a plan ahead of time, even if it is for dad to have time to chill sans kids before dinner, can be a marriage saver.
Thank you Marilyn and Louise!
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Hi it’s always hard when parents have two different parenting styles!
I think a little fun or play interaction between the dad and the kids Would be helpful!
If the dad is open to it?
Throw a ball, play Game of cards ?
They need something fun to get away from constant discipline!
I like to play a family game around dinner
each member says “what I like about today what i didn’t
like about today?
Only responses that work are…that sounds hard, or that sounds interesting, or excellent or I’m sorry that happened!
Hi Ava,
Thank you very much for your thoughts on this issue. You seem to chime right in with my idea of “Set up for success!” That is the same concept for both parents. How each one decides to implement it may be different, but if you are prepared for interacting with your child in some optimal way, your communications are much more likely to run smoothly.