Today’s news comes to us from one of our experts Ava Parnass. You can read her whole article on listentomeplease.com/listen-to-me-p…. In her well-written piece you will find the exact answer to one of the most important parenting questions parents ask. “How do I stop my child’s misbehavior?”
Here is that answer:
“Our children’s misbehavior is a Message, Are we listening?”
One parent started spending $500 per week for therapy plus additional money for medication prescribed specifically for ADD. Even though this expensive and medication-oriented intervention solved the problem, she noticed that with this intervention that her child started to have some new abnormal behaviors that he didn’t have before–repetitive phobic behaviors.
Ava, with her trained eye and sensitive ear, explained “now that they medicated him out of his lack of focus without changing the parenting techniques used at home he is developing alternative symptoms to express what’s not working for him.”
This time the mom was ready to listen.
“If parents look at behavior as a message of hidden feelings plus emotional needs that aren’t being met, a parent can begin to solve the problems.”
Here are some “alternatives to parenting by logic, yelling lecturing, educating, and pressuring.”
Listening: Repeating back! ”Love that you made a new friend.”
Empathy: “I am sorry that happened; that is hard.”
Wondering: “What can I do differently as a parent? Do I pressure you too much to behave? Do I spend enough time with my child? Do I argue and disagree with what he or she tells me all the time? Do I always tell you to do better?”
Here is Ava’s very important message. There are many suggested techniques to get rid of bad behavior, but many are solutions that target symptoms and as a result only mask the real issues. Most important is to listen to your child, get the correct message, and then provide an intervention that genuinely relieves your child’s discomfort.
As Ava always says… “If we change our parenting, our children will change!”
October! The Month of Positive Energy
While someone else might use logic, lecture, educate, explain, convince, prove and point out (all which are perceived by kids as criticism and pressure) you can be understanding with this kind of advance teaching from The Magic Words of Manners
At times you’ll see you raise your voice
And much too loud for praise.
Then think again about your words
And use this little phrase
I’M SORRY I SAID THAT
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