Tip 51 – Reflect on good behavior and share the news!
Once you feel like you have the hang of it and are letting your positive thoughts about your child flow freely, start this game that is designed to bring out the best in both of you.
Have fun as you think about the day, week, month, or year. Then take turns making observations like these:
Parent: “You helped Grandpa put his tools away.”
Child: “I set the table.”
Parent: “You played quietly”
Child: “I did my homework.”
Parenting insight…
Once you open up the door for positive energy, it will flow. It knows no boundaries.
Here’s a question from a concerned parent:
My 10 year old daughter wants to be friends with everyone and can be a real people pleaser as a result. This makes her an easy mark for bullies. When teachers don’t seem to be able (or willing) to put a stop to the bullying, what is the appropriate way for my daughter to deal with the bully?
This question has a two-part answer. One covers the advice to give your daughter to use on the outside, and the second gives advice for helping her to become stronger on the inside.
On the outside…
Advise her to get away as fast as possible. With no outward show of feelings, she should not answer or respond to any negativity. Explain to her that this troublesome person is picking on her because she is nice. Then, when she finds a good time, she should report what happened to her teacher. The reporting will be best done in private and at a time that the bully does not know it is happening.
Bully’s thrive on the anger they stir up. Their goal is to make themselves feel good by making others feel bad. They love to fight, and they are good at it. They find people like your daughter because they know they will win. The only way to stop them in their tracks is by not reacting.
See comment 2 for how to help your child on the inside.
On the inside…
Do what you can in an on-going way to help her build self-esteem. Having her realize her strengths is a big part of the process. Use this tip, the one about “you”niqueness, and many others in the Monday Morning Coffee section of Parenting Tips with Dr. Sally to build your daughter’s self-esteem. Self-esteem is the anti-dote to being a pleaser. Once your daughter has a lot of that, she will no longer be a target for bullies. When they see her, they will run the other way.