Our daughter enjoys dressing herself each day. Sometimes the outfits she comes up with are oh-so-interesting. You can get a sense of her fashion style for reading this: High Fashion, small town toddler-style.

A while back my husband and I tried to direct our daughter toward more 'socially acceptable' outfits: "Here, honey. Wear this one! It's so lovely!" Her reply? "When I wear that I don't feel like I'm ME."

Wow.

That made us think. If we're stopping her from feeling like HER, is that good? Is that a  positive parenting philosophy? So many of us adults were raised in homes where we didn't get to be who we naturally are. I know from experience that it can take years to overcome a self esteem crushing lifestyle (not to mention the money spent on therapy).

My husband and I agreed - we don't want to Parent in that way. We want our kids to feel safe and loved and accepted. So we told our daughter, "Go ahead, sweetheart. You dress how you want. You put on what makes you feel special and we'll love it every time."

Today she got up, all excited to attend her first day of Childcare. She ran into the bedroom and didn't see me there. She asked her father where I had gone. "In the bathroom" he replied. She then bolted into the bathroom, threw open the door, and yelled: "Mom! Today we go to play with the other kids! Are you ready! Let's goooooo!"

I looked at her outfit. Oh, crap. She had picked out a cowgirl dress with a tutu over the top. She added some lime green capri pants, fluffy purple socks, her tennis shoes, a cord around her neck (aka a necklace she had created) and a boy's beanie cap on top. "I'm so excited, mom!!!!!!" she yelled.

My husband and I agreed we'd let her go, dressed like this. Why not, right? It may not be what we'd choose to wear but she is uber independent and her self esteem is rock solid. This stuff matters in life! Self esteem matters! If she is thrilled by her outfit, then so are we.

We arrived at the Childcare location. Walked in. One person cocked their head to the side and looked at me funny. "You let her dress like that?"

Me:

"Yes. She likes to dress herself and we allow her to do it."

Reply:

"I would never have let my kids dress like that. They had to match."

Me:

"Okay."

On the drive home I began to tear up. You'll be hard pressed to find another kid as happy as my daughter. She loves life. I mean she LOVES it. She laughs and giggles all day long. She sings songs and makes up poems for the people she adores. She dresses up in unique outfits and many times, there's sentimental value behind it. Today, for instance - that cord necklace I mentioned - it came from her sitter's truck. She found that and wanted to wear it because she said it made her think of her sitter; whom she loves. The cowgirl outfit came from me and every time she puts that on she hugs me and says, "You got this for me, didn't you mommy? That was sooooo nice of you." The fuzzy socks came from her Oma (Dutch for grandmother). She knows that her Oma is coming to visit soon and she likes to wear those in honor of the Oma she misses so much. The boy's cap belongs to her older brother. Every day when he leaves for school she tells me that she misses him. She wishes he would come back to her. So she put that on today because it made her think about her big brother. The purple tutu makes her think about her very favorite show: The Backyardigans - Volcano Sisters episode where they all dress up in hula skirts. She doesn't have a hula skirt so she wears the tutu instead. She has never even asked me to buy a hula skirt for her. She's content using the tutu and using her imagination to pretend it's just like the one on her DVD.

This is my daughter. Full of life, love and sentiment. Do I "let her dress like that and go out in public looking that way?"

Yeah. I sure do.

ABOUT the Author:

Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the owner of Mommy Perks, Personal Child Stories, Early Childhood News and Resources and Kids Perks. She has a background in education, early childhood, nanny work, published freelance, marketing and special needs.