“That Child” this is a term I never want to hear again in our household. This is my personal journey of dealing with a young child and anger.

Our oldest son, now six, has been dealing with anger for half of his life. From birth to 3 he was a “happy go lucky” kid who laughed and sang silly songs all the time. He was 3 years old when I started seeing signs of anger. Most people considered them “normal”: temper tantrums, playing rough, emotional ups and downs, etc. My friends told me that he was just a typical boy.  eing a first time Mom, I wasn’t sure, but decided to believe my friends although I knew in my heart something wasn’t right.  

We were a regular family - husband worked too many hours with a long commute. He was stressed by the end of the day and as a mother / wife, I tried everything I could to make the household less stressful. We also have extended family close by: my parents and a brother. Our son, his uncle & grandparents are exceptionally close. We take daytrips together, go to museums, hiking, fishing, out for lunch and so on. Our son is very loved.  

He started Preschool and it was fantastic. No outburst in school – whew – what a relief – maybe my friends were right! But there were still issues at home and he would get easily frustrated and was becoming more aggressive. His Dad was constantly telling him to be quiet and settle down. This created even more tension in our household.

The anger would subside for a few days and I would think again that it was just a “rough patch” but it always returned. As time passed, his anger started to escalate - more hitting, scratching, biting and yelling; it was quite scary.    

I was very blessed to become pregnant and deliver a 2nd boy in May, 2008. The outburst’s became much more frequent and his anger had turned to rage. He didn’t laugh or sing anymore. I would look into his eyes and they were vacant – “Where had my sweet little boy gone?” After he would have an outburst, he would collapse into my arms sobbing and not remember what had just happened. We walked on eggshells, never knowing what would set him off – it was awful. One night after an incident, I left and drove to a nearby parking lot where I just cried and kept asking God “Why”. I didn’t understand. I knew I was a good mother – but what was I doing wrong – why couldn’t I fix my child? I spoke to his pediatrician who gave me some techniques to use at home when I started seeing the anger building – the ideas were good – but didn’t solve the problem. She did give a referral for a psychologist, if I felt we needed it. 

The morning of my 6 week check-up after the birth of our 2nd son, my mother was babysitting the boys. I was out for 1 ½ hours and when I walked into the house, I could tell something was wrong. My mother was rocking the baby and handed him to me and started to walk out the door, which is unusual – we are very close. Without even turning around to face me, her voice cracking, she said: “I don’t want to see that child again” and walked out the door. I started crying for 2 reasons. First, I didn’t have a clue what had happened and second, my mother had never referred to my son as “that child”.

After crying for a while, I picked up the phone and called the psychologist. We had an appointment the next day and it was the best phone call I have ever made in my life – she is a Godsend.  

Our son has spent the last 1 ½ years in Play Therapy and he is now back to his happy go lucky attitude - he sings and laughs. He still has bad days but is now equipped to handle it. The therapist pointed out that the lack of a relationship with his Dad was the root of the anger. This is a work in progress...but getting better everyday.

If there are two pieces of advice I can offer:  1st – follow your gut and 2nd - there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help – it saved our family.

ABOUT the Author:

Wife and mother of two beautiful boys, SAHM and owner of small home business.