This morning, after dropping our kids to the sitter, my husband and I headed home and chatted about the sad looks on their little faces. Our sitter usually comes to our home Monday through Friday. The kids love that. They can run upstairs to hug us or get a quick kiss which they generally do every hour or so. If they head outside to play my daughter might yell: "Goodbye my parents!" or they come to snuggle us before running outdoors.

Our sitter has requested that she host the kids one day a week, in her home. She wants to mix things up a bit and we agreed. Our children were a little shell-shocked today, not quite understanding why we were leaving them at another home. We tried daycare once, last year, and they hated it. Just hated it. We pulled them out after one week and eventually found a wonderful full-time sitter to come into our home, where the kids feel safe and secure.

At the same time, we want them to feel comfortable being away from us and to trust...mom and dad will always come to get us.

On the way back to our house my husband asked me a question: "Why is it that there are so many studies done on childcare? Some say that childcare is great. Kids do just fine and grow up to be healthy and happy adults. Other studies say the very opposite: Don't put kids in childcare or you'll screw them up forever! I don't understand the divide in findings."

I replied: There are so many variables with this issue. Many studies focus on the outcome that the study group already knows they want to "prove." They leave everything else out. It's also important to ask, "Who is paying for this study to be done?" A childcare facility? An organization that wants all childcare facilities shut down? Every study is funded by someone who wants the outcome to go in their favor. We have to analyze this from different points if we want to understand the divide.

My husband answered: And that's why John Kerry lost the race years ago. He was analytical. No one wants that these days. People just want a study to "prove" what their opinions already are. Soundbites. We live in a soundbite world where people no longer want to think things through from every angle. Annoying.

Me: I agree but that's another topic for another day. (hahaha)

Me: Okay, here's my opinion. After working with kids for 23+ years in preschools and elementary schools, as a nanny, as a babysitter, listening to feedback about daycares, having my own three kids, etc, I would say that it boils down to a few factors.

FIRST:

If a parent drops the child at daycare all day long, picks him/her up, comes home, gives dinner and sticks the kid in bed, that child is getting the message: "I do no like you. I don't want you around. You are a bother to me." Of course that child is going to be angry and wonder: "Where do I belong in this world? Who loves me?" Any parent who is placing a child into daycare because they WANT to be away from the kid is a parent who likely doesn't pay attention at home, either.These kids are going to be hurt, lonely and angry. Not just because of daycare, though. Because the mom (or dad) isn't loving them at home, AFTER daycare. On the other hand, there are mothers or fathers who must work to pay bills and the kids go to childcare. When they get picked up, though, the parent(s) is so happy!! We are finally together again! What will we do? Bake cookies, make a craft, snuggle, read? Those kids would clearly know that they are loved, even if they don't get to be at home during the day.

SECOND:

It totally depends on the childcare, too. There's great childcare where the kid's needs are attended to, they are fed, loved, sang to, dancing and music are encouraged, reading is done, outdoor time is given for exploring, etc. If quality daycare/childcare is sought, that makes a huge difference in the outcome. Nannies who give one-on-one time or loving family members watching the child and so on - this all makes a difference.

THIRD:

It depends on the AMOUNT of time spent away from the parents/mother/father. Are kids in childcare for 5 or 6 hours? Or 16 hours a day? This would make a significant difference in the way that child feels about mom/dad, whether or not he/she feels as though they are wanted at home, etc.

When we arrived home, I came to my office to work. Interestingly, I saw a Google Alert about a new study done on childcare - by the University of Illinois. The Psychologists there have pinpointed a few factors involved in kids who grow up to be agressive and "popular" (i.e. the "mean kids").

Here's what they say:

Psychologists found that both tough children and aggressive children spent a larger proportion of time in center-based care, experienced lower quality care, and had mothers who were significantly less sensitive to their emotional needs than model children.

I appreciate this study very much. While most studies hone in on the points that would either support fully, or devalue fully, the idea of childcare, this study seems to have concluded what my own years of experience have indicated: three primary considerations to account for: The amount of time spent in childcare, the quality (or lack of) of childcare and the attention (or lack of) given at home before and after childcare.

Read the full study here: A Family Affair

Thanks, University of Illinois!

ABOUT the Author:

Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the owner of Mommy Perks, Personal Child Stories, Early Childhood News and Resources and Kids Perks. She and her husband co-own Pine Media. Shara has a background in education, early childhood, nanny work, published freelance, marketing and special needs.