I'm always on the look-out for stable and wise parenting tips and resources; how about you?

I interviewed numerous moms last year for blog posts and one of the questions was: "How do you use the Internet to learn more about parenting?" A few of them replied, "Oh, I don't. I don't need the Internet to help me with that. I just figure we'll be touch and go and if I need something, I'll ask a friend."

I had to chuckle. Really? I find myself reading up on the matters of parenting on a near daily basis between journals, articles, blog posts and books. I've worked with kids for more than 23 years and I still feel as though I'm learning new and better concepts and methods every single day.

I can't imagine going to my friends, only, for parenting advice. If I do go to friends, they typically have older children and have already lived through the early years. I pick their brains for "what they should have done better" or "what they know they did right" insights. Generally  speaking, however, I enjoy knowing that when we implement a parenting strategy here at home, there's some kind of research backing its effectiveness: good or bad.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not hung up on scientific studies for common sense matters. It would be my opinion that we ought not spend money on topics that are logical and sensible. For instance, no million dollar study should be needed to tell us:

• Kids need outdoor time (duh)
• Spending 10 hours a day in front of the tellie (or playing video games) is not going to render a hard working citizen
• Calling your children names is harmful to both their hearts and their heads
• Screaming and yelling in the home is stressful for your kids and everyone else (even your pets)
• Hitting, raping and molesting your kids will leave life-long scars
• Feeding your kids Twinkies for breakfast is stupid
• Books are good
• Games and puzzles are good
• Giving your kids hugs and snuggles is good for their health and mental well being
• Eating a diet full of sugar, carbs and fried products will increase your risk of health problems, Diabetes and obesity
• Angry people draw angry people
• Positive and happy people draw positive and happy people

To me, these (and many other subjects) are nothing more than common sense matters and if you need a million dollar study placed in your face to prove it, you don't trust your own judgement much, eh?

I digress...

That said, I believe that parenting and teaching are two topics that genuinely benefit from certain studies being performed: What works well? What doesn't work well? Who is doing it so well that the children grow up to be kind, hard working, socially conscious citizens with less emotional baggage than the rest of us?

No doubt, by now, my friend Wendy {Kidlutions} is tired of my emails (sorry, Wendy). I have emailed her multiple times over the last few months seeking input about the tween/teen years (my background is in early childhood and the teen years are beyond my mental comprehension at this given moment). She has graciously replied to each email and in fact, wrote a long reply to me not long ago (one of our most re-tweeted articles now). Wendy later sent me to a link showing a parenting book that she thought I might be interested in reading. I bought the book and began reading it moments after it arrived.

The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child

After reading through his top 7 parenting myths I was in tears. I felt as though I'd finally found someone who truly understands how a child's brain works and was going to be able to give us REAL and USEFUL tips in book format - so we can look back over the data later for reminders.

Dr. Kazdin points out that many parents are touch and go with parenting; whatever worked for their parents is good enough for them, too. What if we do have scientific research for what works best, though? What if? This is where Kazdin steps in with 30+ years of studies and research to show us what he, himself, has been doing while working with kids.

Now this is research I can stand behind and agree with: money well spent.

We began implementing some of his strategies right away such as "catching our kids doing good." Soon enough, they were trying to catch each other doing good. "Mom - look! My brother just did the sweetest thing. He took his toy and wrapped it up for the new baby that's coming. How kind is that?"

I looked over at my daughter that day and thought to myself, "Who are you? Since when do you catch others doing good? You've always been the I'll-find-what-everyone-is-doing-WRONG-today police. What a nice change."

I was most impressed by how this parenting strategy quickly worked with our eldest son (age 13). When we stepped back a bit, stopped getting angry and frustrated with him at every turn, and focused on pointing out what he was doing right and well, he began to want MORE of the positive reinforcement and began helping more around the house without even being asked. We did not praise him with statements like, "Well done! Good job! You are sooo smart!" We stuck to the method that Dr. Kazdin recommends and pointed out very specific qualities: "I really like the way you listened to me the first time. Thank you. I saw how much effort you put into washing the dishes tonight. I really appreciate that. You sure did play nicely with your siblings today - I loved watching you all giggle together!"

Side note: My long time friend Dr. Sally Goldberg often writes about using specific praise with children. I was already familiar with the concept and was thrilled that Dr. Kadzin explains the brain aspect of this strategy in his book: WHY it works.

The more I thought about the concepts of positive praise the more I realized - we all want this kind of praise, don't we? If we write a terrific article, we want to know from others that it helped them. If we make a beautiful hat from hand we want to hear, "Wow! What a wonderful and bright creation you made!" Such comments spur us onto wanting to do more... be more... and why not? We're basically being given brain fuel right?

I'll sign off here for now. I was sitting in the hospital yesterday, engaging in a good time three hour glucose pregnancy test, and I read through more chapters of this book in between blood draws. I think I retained most of what I read (ha) - let's hope so. Dr. Kazdin moves into his instruction about using charts and points to modify behavior. I thought, "Great. We've used charts before and they didn't work long term." In his book, Dr. Kazdin states that many parents say, "Oh - I've used charts before and they didn't work." He read my mind. I'm glad. That tells me that he might have something better to teach us about charts, points, positive behavior modification and effective behavior redirects that STICK.

More to come! I will be implementing the chart/point strategy this coming weekend. I'll write again next week to let you know how Operation-Change-My-Own-Way-Of-Parenting is coming along. (Notice there how I did NOT say Operation-Change-My-Kids? Two points for me!)

ABOUT the Author:

Shara Lawrence-Weiss is the owner of Mommy Perks, Personal Child Stories, Early Childhood News and Resources and Kids Perks. She and her husband co-own Pine Media. Shara has a background in education, early childhood, nanny work, published freelance, marketing and special needs.